Reflections...

On the edge of a cliff, I stood there, pondering and daydreaming, Of alternate realities: The one that is and the one that could be.. Or should be... Limits of love are personified, Yet true love is unconditional & unselfish, The knife that is reality, The cloud that is desire, The tear that is my heart. My heart fell deep into my stomach, As it fell, it screamed When it landed, it shattered into fragments, Scattered everywhere, no assembly: Just a pile of rejected parts. In the fragile state that I was, Answers were few and far between, Questions were obstacles, Thoughts were barriers Feelings were ammunition Tears were inevitable. My tears cut paths down my cheeks, Paths that led nowhere, Not even a safe Haven, The endless journey of Pain. My shattered heart, Lay there, fragmented, unidentifiable, Misshapen, abused, soiled, and forgotten. The knives of feelings prodded the pieces, Poked until each piece bled ...

It's difficult for me to be me around him. When I feel like I am too much, I am compelled to withdraw. This happens so often. He may think I am needy but actually I just want to feel special, loved, trusted,  needed, and useful. Nothing wrong with that. When I am Powerful, I am all of this and more. But right now, I am only pained confusion. He does not understand. Is it that he is too young? I don't know. His heart is pure; he is a blind multifaceted butterfly made purely of glass. Something deep inside me tells me that his heart will never be mine, it will always be passively shared, between me and the one that could have been. My tears, they fall uncontrollably; my heart, it burns indefinitely; my thoughts, they mull  unabashedly; my emotions, they run unreservedly: is it love or lust, I will never know. But at this moment in time, I want something that is shackled to a thousand rock skeletons adorned with relic jewels. It is so far ...