To Love Me is to Understand Me!

I have done more than my fair share of writing in my lifetime. Not once have I ever written what was truly on my mind, albeit the poems and stories I’ve posted have related to a part of me including my random, demonic, cheerful, and profound sides. Today, however, is a blog entry simply on… me. This might not be interesting to you but it certainly helps me acknowledge the true depths of my emotions, thoughts, and desires.

To be a lawyer and have your head in the clouds is something not often condoned in society. You need to be focused and driven, with a keen niche for critical thinking. Perception often leads you to understand the case, and your arguments based on that perception determines the success of that argument. The most important reason to have a focal point in your thought process is that you are offering the service of your mental capabilities to clients who are otherwise lacking in that skill. If you have your head in the clouds, you become distracted and your focal point is upon a different perception, unrelated to your reality. This… is me. As much as I enjoy debating and applying the law, often while I sit in consultations with clients (or even in lectures), I start pondering about life as we know it and all the magnificent & sadistic manifestations of those emotions. I’ll start dreaming up odd-case scenarios (case not being a legal one, mind) about how to save the world, how to reinvent myself, how to make the change you want to see in everyone else, how to be the better person in a dispute, how to be brave & strong in the face of Armageddon, how to become independent, how to mature without losing my youthful child-like spirit, how to love who you are when seemingly others don’t, how to discover your strengths and weaknesses, how to keep stability and consistency in your life without it becoming routine, how to love wholeheartedly, how to forgive, and (most importantly) how to be…understood. The mouse running on the wheel in my head is, as you can see, an Olympic champion! He doesn’t rest, nor does he take a break for tea. He doesn’t know a life outside that wheel. Although there have been moments where I would taunt him, give him a breath of fresh air and let him taste the crème of a different life, I immediately poke and prod him back onto the wheel. It would seem, therefore, that I am a bit of a ruthless & heartless shrew on this poor mouse.

The expression ‘the mind is a terrible thing to shovel’ seems appropriate here. I often find that I would take those thoughts, plunge them deep into the enriched soil and wait for it to blossom into something three times as beautiful as the picture. So it shouldn’t be surprising to discover that I get ingenious ideas when I sleep, and at the most random of intervals. But when I really need them, they’re still being bred in captivity.

What goes on in my head? It’s simple: my world as opposed to yours. In my world, everyone accepts my flaws, and I theirs. Everyone accepts individuality, and understands distinction as more than just self-determination. Character growth stems from the most unorthodox of things: creativity, imagination, torment, brutality, and obedience. There are no human rights, technical legal restraints, or states of democracy in my world. Neither is there an authoritarian monarchist rule. Instead, the peoples of my region are their own bride and prejudice. There are strict rules of governance to adhere to laid down by a powerful source. That source, the ruler of the kingdom, ironically is not me, although they are a form of me, with magic. But their magic is not the hocus-pocus magic. This magic is enforced, implemented, and influenced by nature itself. The only role us humans play in governance is adaption to the melody of life. And they say arbitrary systems of rule are counter-productive… whoever said that obviously hasn’t taken a day trip to my world.

Is it so bad that I want to have a mystical, mysterious, adventurous, and fantastical life? I want a life with forbidden romance, archaic reasoning, conservative yet distinguished fashion, courtly etiquette, widespread system of belief (not influenced by any form of media), and where time travelled slowly because there was no rush. It’s a world filled with storytelling, misguided souls, impromptu comedy, classical traditions, and beauty.

So next time you start wondering why you are wondering, begin by asking why is this appealing to me? The next step is to confront it, full frontal! Make sure you give it no room for wiggling.